Blog Atom feed

Postmortem: May 2022 emotional outage

(Never-finished) Evaluating the contributing factors both positive and negative, direct and indirect, that culminated in a depressive episode in late May 2022.

    Happy 2023!

    Thoughts on this year and friendship and romance and progress.

      Let me soothe my wounds

      TW: suicide, abuse, stalking mentions
      It's time to take a break.

        To be loved, to be loved

        What more could you ask for? (I still love About a Girl by The Academy Is...)


          Thoughts about focusing on tasks, and escaping the magnetic pull of distraction by keeping track of the thoughts that would otherwise be left behind.

            Daily HelloTalk Blog Day 3

            My third regular Japanese blog on HelloTalk. Talking about contests on Leetcode and similar things.

              Daily HelloTalk Blog Day 2

              My second regular Japanese blog on HelloTalk. Talking about how to learn Japanese and what to do about Flashcards.

                Daily HelloTalk Blog Day 1

                My first regular Japanese blog on HelloTalk. Talking about interviewing and resume stuff.

                  On my father

                  A summary of my relationship with my father, to give background to those who haven't been part of this nightmarish scenario all along. CW: emotional abuse, narcissism.

                    Reflections on family

                    The letter to my family, which is as much a letter to myself to understand what I'm doing and why I'm doing it as it is one to my family to inform them of what's going on and to state my boundaries.

                      Marissa Gender FAQ

                      Frequently asked questions as given to family and friends who knew little of trans matters and wanted to know more about Mari's gender transition.

                        Advanced jobs

                        On empowering the Parts of Me, and in so doing, letting them merge into one, unified, True Me.

                          Bad Brain Time Survival Guide

                          How my brain glitches in bad situations, and how I'm working around it.

                            On choosing the form of one's dopamine lever

                            Let's get personal. And let's make it weird.
                            Talking about considering SRS, and feelings on different kinds of genitals, among other things.

                              Co-op partners

                              Complaining about being single... player mode.

                                Reflections on self-disgust

                                (cw: discussion of self-directed transphobia)
                                A follow-up to the Affection post from earlier this year. It's long!!


                                  Exploring my relationship to affection and love.

                                    Thoughts on Reyas

                                    Thinking about how my moods tend to cycle, and why.

                                      There are more blog entries that are not safe for work. If you are curious and comfortable with the possibility you might see adult content and over 18, you can switch to the NSFW version of this page.